Why You Lose Your Shit So Easily in Your Premenstrual Phase (and What to Do About It)

Written summary of podcast episode:

In your premenstrual phase, it can feel like your tolerance for, well, everything is significantly lower. Things that wouldn't normally bother you suddenly feel unbearable, and your ability to stay regulated and manage your emotions effectively seems to shrink. This is where the concept of the window of tolerance comes in.

Your window of tolerance refers to the range of stress or arousal where you can function well and manage your emotions effectively. When you're inside this window, you’re able to navigate daily life, handle challenges, and regulate your emotions without immediately spiralling into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.

Window of tolerance is often referenced in trauma work because when you've experienced trauma—or even just chronic stress—your window of tolerance can become much smaller. This means it takes less to push you into a dysregulated state where emotions feel overwhelming and harder to manage. (This is absolutely something you can grow and it's possible to expand your window of tolerance, something often I help my clients do).

However, even without trauma, when you're in your premenstrual phase, this window naturally contracts due to physiological and psychological shifts.

There are two key ways this impacts you:

1. You become more sensitive to triggers.
2. When you do get activated, it takes longer to return to a regulated state.

Let’s dive into each of these.

You're More Sensitive to Triggers

If you struggle with PMS, you’ve likely noticed that things that wouldn’t usually bother you feel like a big deal in your luteal phase. At other times in your cycle, you might be able to pause, get some distance, and respond with self-awareness rather than reacting immediately. But in your premenstrual phase, that ability feels compromised. Triggers feel more intense, and it’s harder to catch yourself before you go from 0 to 100.

One of the most effective ways to navigate this is being proactive about checking in with yourself. Ask yourself: What’s already simmering under the surface? Can I acknowledge it before it takes over? This isn’t about suppressing emotions or telling yourself you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way. It’s about catching things early enough that you still have enough self-energy to be with what’s coming up, offer yourself compassion, and tend to your needs before everything boils over.

During your luteal phase, you might find that you naturally crave more space for reflection. You may need longer journaling sessions, extra time for movement, or more quiet moments to check in with yourself. Lean into that. It helps prevent emotional overwhelm later on.

This is also where communicating with your partner (if you have one) can be really helpful. Letting them know that your window of tolerance is smaller can foster understanding. Maybe that means adjusting responsibilities, checking in with each other more (or less), or simply giving yourself permission to take up space. Having language like “my window of tolerance is smaller right now” can make it easier to articulate your experience in a way that others can understand.

It Takes Longer to Return to Regulation

The second impact of a smaller window of tolerance in your premenstrual phase is that when you do get activated, it takes longer to return to a regulated state. If something triggers you—whether it’s a disagreement with a partner, a stressful situation at work, or just an accumulation of small irritations—you might notice that it lingers for longer than it would in other phases of your cycle.

This is where giving yourself extra time and space is key. Expecting yourself to bounce back as quickly as you normally would can be frustrating. For example, if you’ve had an argument with your partner, you might normally need 20 minutes to calm down before having a repair conversation. But in your luteal phase, you may need an hour. Or a day. Or until after your bleed. And that’s okay.

There’s often a tendency to shame ourselves for this: I should be better at regulating myself by now or Why is this affecting me so much?. But expecting yourself to have the same level of capacity throughout your cycle just isn’t realistic. Your cycle naturally affects your capacity, and part of working with it is recognising when you need more time and grace.

Conclusion

Understanding your window of tolerance and how it shifts in your luteal phase is a game changer. When you realise that your ability to regulate is genuinely different during this time, you can:

• Be proactive in checking in with yourself before things escalate.
• Communicate with those around you about what you need.
• Give yourself permission to take longer to settle after being triggered, without self-judgment.

Rather than fighting against your premenstrual sensitivity, you can work with it—offering yourself the space and support you need to navigate this phase with more self-compassion and awareness.