How Your Attachment Wounding Might Show Up In Your Menstrual Cycle

Written summary of podcast episode:

This episode is all about how your attachment wounding might be showing up in your menstrual cycle and contributing to some of the challenges you experience.

I’m going to focus on two really potent examples, though there are many ways this can manifest. The menstrual cycle has a way of highlighting what needs tending to, and attachment wounding is such a nuanced, deeply personal experience. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest.

Struggling to Separate and Take Rest on Your Bleed

Just before we bleed—whether it’s a few hours, a day, or even a couple of days before—there’s a sacred task to separate from the outside world. This prepares us to enter the womb cave, a space where we shed our outer world skin, becoming raw, open, vulnerable, and deeply connected with Source, divine intuition—whatever name you use for it.

To connect fully and deeply, we have to shed the protective layer we wear to navigate the external world. For highly sensitive or neurodivergent people, this sensitivity can feel even more acute on your bleed. The protective layer we carry isn’t bad—it’s necessary for moving through life. But when we’re about to bleed, shedding that layer is vital.

Separation can look different for everyone. Not everyone has the luxury of dropping all responsibilities for five days, though that would be beautiful. But even small energetic shifts make a difference—prioritising ourselves in moments we might usually give to others. When we struggle with attachment wounding, particularly if we lean towards the anxious end of the spectrum, this separation can feel incredibly difficult.

I want to note that traditional attachment styles are often spoken about in a rigid way, but they exist on a spectrum. We can shift based on who we’re with, the time of the month, or our healing journey. The way attachment styles are often framed can be overly simplistic, and avoidant styles are frequently demonised as narcissistic, which is not accurate.

If you experience anxious attachment tendencies—where you need connection to feel safe—the task of separating before your bleed can feel overwhelming. I speak from experience, as someone who oscillates between anxious and avoidant tendencies. I remember one cycle vividly where I longed to separate, but a little wounded part of me was terrified. That part of me associated separation with abandonment. When we’re babies, being left alone is life-threatening, and that fear can still live in our bodies.

That cycle, I sat with that fear. I held space for the younger part of me that was scared and offered her reassurance. And when I did, I had one of the most powerful, connected bleeds of my life.

If you notice attachment wounding showing up in your resistance to separation, try observing how it feels next time you approach your bleed. Even a small shift—just 1%—can help. Maybe it feels delicious and nourishing. Maybe it feels scary, or even shameful. Whatever comes up, it’s all information. None of it is bad. It all makes perfect sense given your history, your cycle, and your psyche. The goal isn’t to force change but to simply witness and hold space for yourself.

Boundaries, Overgiving, and Premenstrual Symptoms

When we don’t allow ourselves to separate, we don’t get the rest we need on our bleed. And when we don’t get that rest, it impacts our whole cycle, often leading to heightened PMS symptoms.

One major way attachment wounding can show up in PMS is through difficulty with boundaries. If you identify as a people-pleaser, this might resonate. I’ve been a chronic people-pleaser most of my life, and boundaries have been a major lesson for me.

PMS often highlights where we’re not honouring our boundaries. It’s not just about how others treat us, but also about how much we give to others. Overgiving isn’t always an act of pure generosity—it can be a strategy to avoid abandonment. When we constantly give to others, hoping they’ll stay, love us, or react in a certain way, we’re engaging in subtle manipulation. We might wear it as a badge of honour, but in reality, it’s a form of self-protection rooted in attachment wounding.

If you’re interested in exploring this further, I highly recommend the work of Vanessa Bennett, who specialises in codependency. She offers incredible insights into these dynamics.

When PMS intensifies, it can be your cycle’s way of saying:

• You’re overstepping your own boundaries by giving too much.

• You’re allowing others to overstep your boundaries because you fear abandonment.

Your cycle will show you where boundaries need strengthening. It might be around your bleed, in your inner spring when you feel childlike and vulnerable, or in your inner summer when high energy leads to overgiving. Tracking your cycle can help you pinpoint these patterns.

Inner Spring and the Vulnerability of the Inner Child

Another way attachment wounding can show up is in inner spring, a phase often associated with our inner child. If you have attachment wounds, this phase can feel unsettling. Those little parts of you that crave love, safety, and belonging might become more active. This is yet another way your menstrual cycle highlights areas that need care and attention.

Your Menstrual Cycle as a Guide to Healing

As always, you are the authority on your cycle and psyche. Your menstrual cycle is constantly showing you what needs tending to. This is why menstrual cycle awareness is so powerful—it allows you to track patterns, gather data, and meet your needs with greater clarity and compassion.

Attachment wounding is a deep and layered topic, but I hope this exploration gives you some insight into how it might be influencing your cycle. I’d love to hear how this resonates—or even how it doesn’t! Thank you for being here, and I’ll see you in the next one.