Meet your premenstrual besties - Inner Critic and Inner Bitch

Written summary of podcast episode:

Today we’re diving into two characters who often show up in the premenstrual phase: the Inner Critic and the Inner Bitch. These are your premenstrual besties, and while they may not always feel like allies, they hold powerful lessons.

Most of us are familiar with the Inner Critic—it’s that voice in our heads that points out our mistakes, often harshly. But let’s also talk about the Inner Bitch, a misunderstood and deeply important part of ourselves. We’ll explore what roles these two parts play, why they show up during the luteal phase, and how you can build a conscious relationship with them.

The Inner Critic: Highlighting Misalignment and Protecting You

The Inner Critic often feels like an adversary, berating us for our actions or perceived shortcomings. But it has a purpose. In fact, it serves two key roles:

1. Pointing Out Misalignment

Your Inner Critic often shows up when you’ve acted out of alignment with who you truly are or want to be. Maybe you said yes to something that didn’t feel right or behaved in a way that didn’t reflect your values. The critic’s harshness is an outdated way of delivering an important truth: it’s calling attention to where you’re abandoning yourself.

When you notice this voice, try to pause and ask: Where am I not honouring my true self? Recognising this can help you redirect toward choices that feel more authentic.

2. Protecting You from Overwhelming Emotions

Another role of the Inner Critic is to protect you from emotions that might feel too raw or overwhelming. For example, if you’ve made a mistake and feel shame (the belief I am bad), the critic might step in with harsh self-talk to shield you from fully experiencing that pain.

This protective mechanism often stems from earlier life experiences where you lacked the resources to process certain emotions. By internalising the blame or anger, the critic allows you to avoid confronting more vulnerable feelings, like rejection or fear.

When this happens, it’s helpful to remind yourself: I am safe to feel my emotions. Allowing yourself to process what’s beneath the criticism—whether it’s shame, guilt, or grief—can help you meet the critic with compassion.

The Inner Bitch: Your Boundary-Setting Ally

If the Inner Critic turns its focus inward, the Inner Bitch directs energy outward. This part often gets a bad reputation, especially in relationships, but it’s a vital ally for asserting boundaries and prioritising your needs.

Reclaiming the Term "Bitch"

The word "bitch" has long been used to shame women who set boundaries, express their needs, or refuse to comply with others’ expectations. But what if being called a “bitch” simply means you’re standing up for yourself?

When I was a teenager, I was often labelled a bitch for having reasonable responses to poor treatment. My first therapist reframed this for me: if standing up for myself made me a “bitch,” then maybe I should embrace it. This perspective shift was transformative—it allowed me to reclaim this part of myself as strong and self-assured, rather than something to feel ashamed of.

Social conditioning often teaches us to prioritise others’ needs over our own. The Inner Bitch challenges this, encouraging you to prioritise yourself for a change. While her methods can feel abrupt, she’s ultimately advocating for your well-being.

What the Inner Bitch Is Trying to Tell You

The Inner Bitch tends to show up in two key ways:

1. Highlighting Unmet Needs and Ignored Boundaries
   She points out when your needs aren’t being met or when you’ve ignored your boundaries for too long. For example, if you’re constantly overextending yourself for others, she may erupt in frustration to get your attention.
2. Highlighting Shadow Projections
   Sometimes the truth of what the inner bitch is showing us is something within us that needs to be healed. She’s projecting that on to a partner so that we can finally bring these suppressed wounds or aspects of ourselves that we might have shunned, so that we see this reflected in the mirror of our relationship. For a full explanation of this I’d recommend listening to the full episode!

Building a New Relationship with These Parts

You can’t get rid of the Inner Critic or Inner Bitch, and honestly, you wouldn’t want to—they play vital roles in your psyche. Instead, the goal is to cultivate a conscious and respectful relationship with them. Here’s how:

1. Pause and Observe
   When these parts show up, pause and notice their energy. What are they trying to communicate?
2. Validate Their Intentions
   Remember, these parts are trying to help you, even if their methods are outdated or unhelpful. Thank them for their efforts and let them know you’re listening.
3. Invite Collaboration
   Work with these parts to find updated ways of fulfilling their roles. For example, invite the Inner Critic to be a discerning guide rather than a harsh judge. Encourage the Inner Bitch to assert boundaries with clarity and grace.

Making Space for the Muse Beloved

Once you’ve acknowledged and worked with these parts, you create space for a deeper connection to the archetype of the Muse Beloved. This archetype represents the gifts of the luteal phase: creativity, self-expression, and deep inner knowing.

I’ll dive into the Muse Beloved in more detail in the next episode, so stay tuned for that!

Your premenstrual phase isn’t just about challenges—it’s also an opportunity to deepen your relationship with yourself. By embracing the Inner Critic and Inner Bitch as allies, you can unlock the transformative power of this phase.

What insights or experiences have you had with these parts of yourself? I’d love to hear from you—feel free to reach out or share your thoughts!