The 3rd Person In Your Relationship - Your Menstrual Cycle! Benefits of becoming a cycle aware couple.

Today's topic is all about the third person in your relationship - your menstrual cycle. It’s important to acknowledge I'm predominantly speaking from the perspective of a heterosexual monogamous relationship because that is my primary experience, but that doesn't mean what I'm saying doesn't apply to other relationships as well. Take what resonates and leave the rest if that is not your situation and I hope you can still find some helpful nuggets in this episode.

Who is the Third Person in Your Relationship?

So who is the third person in your relationship? It's your menstrual cycle. For people who have a menstrual cycle, it affects every aspect of our being—our physical being, our emotional being, spiritual, mental, all of it. Society has conditioned us into thinking that it’s a bad thing. You see ads with feminist slogans like, "Anything a man can do, I can do while bleeding." Sure, but maybe we don’t have to. Maybe it’s not a bad thing if we can’t do that. We don't have to make ourselves like men or people who don’t bleed to be valuable and powerful.

Understanding the Gift of Your Cycle

This idea that our menstrual cycle impacts every single way isn't a bad thing. It really isn't. There's a gift in it. As my partner and I have gone on this journey of becoming a cycle-aware couple, he's reached a point where he kinda wishes he had a menstrual cycle. It sounds like a really powerful thing to have. Of course, we're all cyclical beings, and nature is inherently cyclical, but for people who menstruate, it’s just more prominent.

Talking about your menstrual cycle as the third person in your relationship really isn’t a bad thing. It can be a beautiful thing when you move with your menstrual cycle as an individual and as a couple. This episode is about the importance and power of becoming a cycle-aware couple, bringing your partner into the experience of your menstrual cycle, and how it can impact your experience and facilitate healing. Relationships, to me, have been some of my biggest teachers, healers, and challenges. Having someone as a mirror to your wounds and joys can deepen your intimacy and strengthen your relationship.

Starting the Conversation

First, it's probably important to address how we start this conversation. Even in school, as people who menstruate, we aren’t taught about our menstrual cycle, and people without one aren’t educated on it either. There's so much shame and societal conditioning around it; it feels sensitive and hard to bring up. But if we want our cyclical bodies to be respected and revered, that change has to start with us—individually—and extend to those closest to us, like our partners.

It’s important to approach this without placing blame on men for not understanding menstrual cycles. Often, they just haven't been given the opportunity to learn. While it's their responsibility to educate themselves, it's crucial to recognize the larger picture—that they may simply not know. My partner Jake was naturally curious and open, but I understand that's not the case for everyone. For those navigating this, consider the level of openness your partner shows towards learning about this aspect of your life. A willingness to engage and understand your cycle can indicate how much they're ready to participate fully in your shared life journey. 

Approaching the Conversation with Vulnerability

How to approach this conversation? Vulnerability. Express your nervousness, your journey, and ask for your partner’s support. The more vulnerability you bring, the deeper and more intimate the conversation will likely be. Adjusting your dynamics to account for emotional states and physical needs allows for feeling like a team. You deserve to exist as you are in your partnership at all points in your cycle (no that isn’t me giving you a free pass to blow up at them in luteal phase, obviously there’s nuance to this).

One beautiful aspect of being a cycle-aware couple is getting powerful reflections from your partner, noticing things about your cycle that even you might miss. This isn’t about them managing your emotional states but rather offering another layer of understanding. It deepens intimacy and helps add context to any arguments or disconnections. Understanding your cycle helps everyone involved, but of course communication is still key.

Call to Action

I’d love to hear from you. Are you a cycle-aware couple? What benefits have you noticed? If not, what are your challenges? What discussions would help you move forward on this? Share your experiences either in comments or via email—I might just do a future episode on it.

Thank you again for your time and attention. I’m deeply grateful and will see you in the next episode.